


All Aboard the Octane Train

by Cerulean_city_girl



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Road Trip, Attempt at Humor, F/F, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, Multi, Road Trips, Sexual Humor, Slice of Life, dirty humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-07-24
Packaged: 2020-07-19 05:41:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerulean_city_girl/pseuds/Cerulean_city_girl
Summary: Have you ever had a trip with your friends where you end up taking forever to get ready? Have you ever had it dissolve into chaos where people are trying to roast and one up each other? Have you ever had that one friend that's the worst driver but insists on driving? In this case, the Apex Legends are going on tour, but Mirage, Octane and Pathfinder are arguing over who gets to drive. Unfortunately for Lifeline, Bangalore,  Wraith, and Pathfinder, nobody else is organized either.





	All Aboard the Octane Train

"Awwww hell yeah! Let's do this!" Octavio yelled, throwing his bags into the trunk before hopping into the driver's seat. 

"The FNG is driving?" Anita questioned. "I'm out. I'm not about to die at the hands of fucking junkrat behind the wheel."

"Oh come on," prodded Ajay, grabbing Anita's bags and loading them in the trunk. "Octavio's not so new anymore. Besides, you're just looking for any excuse not to take a vacation." 

"Maybe," admitted Anita. "But touring isn't a real vacation. However, I'm still not going if the roadrunner, is driving. He lost his legs. I'm not about to lose mine." 

"Perhaps I could be of assistance," announced Alexander, snatching the keys from Octavio before he got the chance to run off with them. "As much as I'm dreading this  _ vacation, _ I'd rather not lose any appendages due to a certain careless person." 

"I didn't realize you were going," Natalie addressed Alexander, all while slowly inching her way with her heavy luggage out to the SUV. 

"Please, allow me," Alexander offered, grabbing the luggage. Unfortunately, he didn't make it very far either as he quickly learned the luggage weighed close to 300 pounds. 

"Oh ho ho, looks like gas daddy has a crush," teased Elliott, strolling up with just a backpack. 

"Although I am touched that you view me as a father figure, please never refer to me as  _ daddy _ ever again," Alexander huffed, making it a few more feet with Natalie's luggage before giving up. 

"It's a joke," replied Elliott. "Isn't that what your fans call you?" 

Wraith, her real name still unknown to her, portal her bags into the trunk before stepping out of the portal herself. 

"Hey guys, what did I miss?" She asked. 

"Well, apparently Elliott is a Caustic fan that can't get enough of  _ gas daddy _ ," replied Makoa with a laugh. Ajay, Wattson, and Anita couldn't help but giggle at the sight of Elliott turning slightly red. 

"Th-that's not what I meant," Elliott stuttered. " Where did you even come from anyway?" 

"I was in the kitchen packing some snacks, and the window was open. So I got to hear you lament about how your gas daddy has a crush, and it isn't you," Makoa smirked holding up the cooler full of yummy treats before squeezing it into the trunk. 

"I really didn't think he'd be into bears," claimed Anita. "I mean, he definitely seems slightly effeminate, but if anything, I thought he'd be into someone more like Octavio." 

"Awww, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Octavio joked, swiping the keys back from a now exhausted Alexander. 

"Awww, that's so tragic," laughed Ajay. Wraith, trying to hold back her laughter, chuckled as the group of girls laughed at Elliott's expense. 

Alexander, quickly losing his patience, unzipped Natalie's luggage and found equipment instead of clothes or toiletries. "Do you mind telling me what in seven hells do you have packed as your valuables?" He snapped at her. 

"Since we'll be gone for a while, I wouldn't want to put my research on hold," she explained. "I made sure to pack my: voltmeter, distortionmeter, LCR meter, the Cos Phi meter, circuit transformers, voltage transformers, intrinsic safety barriers, fuse holders-"

Alexander rubbed his brow, attempting to keep his composure. "Wraith, would you do the honors?" Alexander asked, cutting Natalie off.

"Gladly", she replied, patching a portal to Natalie's room and slowly pushed all the equipment into it. 

"Hey!" Protested Natalie. 

"Any being of science knows that traveling with equipment is asking for it to break. Especially on a road trip such as this one," explained Alexander. 

"This is the one time I actually agree with him," Bloodhound chimed in as they walked up to put away their bags. "I love Arthur, but for now I'd rather he be safe than end up ill while traveling." 

"Go and repack," Anita ordered her. "Clothes and toiletries only. Our space is limited as it is."

Natalie sulked and went back to her room to slim down her luggage. 

Elliott honked the horn from inside the SUV. "Come on you guys are taking forever," he complained. "Yeah, I want to leave!" Elliott's holo-clone whined, leaning against the window as he quickly disappeared into thin air. 

"Don't you need the keys though?" Octavio smirked, holding the keys just out of reach. 

"Who said you could drive, Mister I-jump-on-grenades-for-fun?" Elliott challenged. "I'm clearly the better choice. 

"Neither of you will be driving," Bloodhound stated, snatching the keys from Octavio. 

"You don't even like driving," argued Elliott, having a holo-clone take the keys back from Bloodhound. 

"Hi friends! Maybe I can drive," Pathfinder offered, bringing one small bag with his charger in it.

"Nuh uh. No way in hell. Never again," Ajay protested. 

"Yeah, remember when we went out for a day on the town? Just you, me and Ajay?" Asked Wraith.

"I don't recall" Pathfinder admitted. 

"That's probably because you don't remember shutting down from a low battery, while you were behind the wheel," Ajay informed. "I love you Pathfinder, but I'm not going to die by your hands neither."

"I still think I'd make a better choice," Pathfinder replied, he voice laced with hurt emotions. "Besides, there's a 87.8% chance of this happening if Elliott drove." Pathfinder showed a video clip on his screen of a sexy blonde driving a convertible, flirting with the driver in the car parallel to her. She was paying more attention to the other driver than the road. All of a sudden, the convertible accidentally swerves into a lane going the opposite direction and gets destroyed by a semi truck going 75 miles per hour. 

"Hahahahahahahaha, that IS you," Octavio cackled pointing at Elliott. 

"What is this? Shit on Elliott day?" Elliott asked defensively. 

"Oooh, that's a hard sell. I don't think gas daddy is going to be into that," Wraith teased. 

"Into what?" Natalie asked, coming back from repacking. 

"Scat. Elliott's into scat," explained Makoa with a smirk. 

Natalie shifted uncomfortably in her shoes, not knowing how to respond to the infomation she just received. 

"Please don't speak to me the rest of the trip," she told Elliott, who was officially pink in the face. 

"I-I-I'm not into scat. They're just being assholes," replied an embarrassed Elliott.

"Assholes? Isn't that exactly what you're into?" Questioned Natalie raising and eyebrow. Ajay, Anita, and Octavio doubled over in laughter. Even Wraith and Bloodhound had a hard time keeping as straight face as Elliott's blush grew redder and redder. 

"Say what you will about me. But at least I don't find sexual satisfaction in human excrement," Alexander defended himself, crossing his arms. 

"I never thought I'd see the day where I'd agree with your gas daddy. Yet it’s happened twice in one day," Bloodhound replied in disbelief. "It makes me glad I didn't take you up on your offer during Halloween." 

"Me too," replied everyone else.

"Wait? What?!" Exclaimed Ajay. "You asked everyone?!"

"You said we have a special relationship," retorted Octavio. "Nice to know you're full of the shit you love playing with." 

"You guys shouldn't be so angry if you said no," claimed Wraith. 

"Not angry," clarified Anita."I could care less."

"Just disappointed," finished Natalie, shaking her head in disapproval. 

"I fail to understand why you guys are so surprised," said Alexander. "After all, Elliott promotes his Instagram account after every game. His username has the word thot in it." 

"What was it again?" Asked Makoa. "Elliott Thotticus? Thotticus Witt? Elliotthotticus?" He guessed. 

"That's the one," corrected Pathfinder. "Elliotthotticus." 

"Okay, I'm bored now. Let's goooooo," whined Octavio from the driver's seat. "I wanna go! Let's go! Let's go!" He honked the horn eight times before Anita forcibly removed him from the seat. No one knew how Octavio got hold of the keys again but Pathfinder made sure he didn't have them for long. Alexander took the keys from the friendly robot and seated himself in the driver's seat. 

"Let me get this straight, you guys chose Caustic to be the driver over me?" Spat Octavio as they pulled out of the driveway. "The gas man? The guy who probably rigged the SUV with gas canisters so we all die while he's driving 90 miles per hour on the highway?" 

"That's right. This entire vehicle is rigged with gas. And everyone has a gas mask except you, because I loathe you that much," Alexander spat back. 

After thirty minutes of awkward silence, Natalie was the one to break the ice. "It's awfully quiet," she said, trying to imply that music would be nice. 

"Silence is golden," Alexander replied. 

"Wasn't that a little bit harsh?" She questioned. 

"Really?! You're asking the gas man about if he was being harsh?" Argued Octavio. "What next, are you going to ask the sun if it's being too hot?"

"That'd be like asking me if I'm too hot," Elliot complimented himself, smoothing his hair back. 

"No one's talking to you, scat man," Ajay said teasingly. "Besides, could anyone please play something. Anything. The silence is driving me nuts." 

“What?” asked Anita, pulling a headphone out of her ear. “I can’t hear you over the sound of being organized and using a list to remember my headphones. Octavio rolled his eyes, while Makoa pat him on the back to calm him down. 

"I got you friend," Pathfinder assured before playing a song. "This one goes out to Elliott. I hope you like it." 

_ "I'm a scat man, _ " the singers voice blasted through Pathfinders speakers. Everyone couldn't help but laugh. Everyone except Elliott that is. 

"I really hate you guys sometimes," Elliott couldn't help but sulk.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're curious. Pathfinder is saying Elliott drives like this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g1lIbDLM7CM
> 
> As for the song Scat Man: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hy8kmNEo1i8
> 
> https://www.buymeacoffee.com/VXEco5ZFj  
> I truly do appreciate tips since I have hearing problems (gotta pay those medical bills). 
> 
> Thanks for reading! <3
> 
> I might add to this later. It may be a one shot. Not sure yet.


End file.
